Are These Cast Facts from The Golden Bachelor or Next?

ABC released the cast bios for the inaugural season of The Golden Bachelor, and hoo doggy! These ladies are fascinating. Besides having the mother of former Bachelor Matt James, there’s a woman who dives (cageless) with sharks, a woman “OBSESSED” with Christmas, and someone who “loves a good dude ranch.” Summarizing your whole entire deal on a dating site is tough. Any isolated “fun fact” about yourself has the potential to warp reality around it, like a bowling ball thrown into a pool of jello. You’re not a woman who raised a family, vacations in Aspen, and loves holiday traditions. You’re the Golden Bachelor contestant who’s OBSESSED with Christmas. Not since MTV’s Next have surface judgements been made so quickly, and with such weird information. So we’ve devised a little test. Which tidbit below is about an 18-year-old trying to smang in 2004, and which is about a sexy single septuagenarian looking for a pickleball doubles partner?

Is it Next or The Golden Bachelor?

"prefers to drive stick."

Next

Golden Bachelor

Yes! This is Christina (73) from Sierra Madre, CA. Sorry, this is Boomer behavior. "favorite color is neon."

Next

Golden Bachelor

You got it! You'd think so, but this is Jeanie (55) from Tennessee. "idolizes Bob Barker"

Next

Golden Bachelor

Yes! This is Ashley (20), who also “pooped in a box and mailed it to her ex-boyfriend.” Would ABC shout out a syndication star like Bob Barker (rip)? "can't get enough Judge Judy in her life."

Next

Golden Bachelor

Okay apparently ABC would shout out a syndication star. Our bad. Nope! This is Golden Bachelor. "hates the sound of old men coughing."

Next

Golden Bachelor

Yup, this is Raj (23), who might be an old man coughing now. No this was from Next. But can you imagine coming into TGB this hot? "loves her body glitter"

Next

Golden Bachelor

The full quote is "loves her body glitter and encourages you to do the same." Damn, Patty! This sounds so Next-coded, but it's not.

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Are These Fun Facts from The Golden Bachelor or Next?

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